You are what you watch.

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Sunday, January 29, 2006

SAG Awards: Wake Me When The Oscars Start


Awards season is like an annual visit from a wealthy senile old aunt. You have to sit and listen to her taaaaaalk........ veeeeeeeeeeeeryyyyyyyyyyyyy.............. slooooooooooowlyyyyyyyyyy....... for hours, knowing that somewhere in the middle, she might, just might, drop some interesting tidbits of family history and at the same time holding out hope of that distant time when you might someday, somehow, wind up in her will.

Since I missed the Globes, tonights Screen Actors Guild Awards were my first official awards show. I was so bored that right now, ten minutes after they ended, I couldn't tell you who one best actor. I just couldn't. Maybe my Ritalin wore off early, but by the end, all I wanted to do was finish my crossword.

The excting bits were few and far between:
Terry O'Quinn's surprisingly funny acceptance speech for the Lost "ensemble" sealed his place as the single coolest man on Television, scratch that, Earth (Step Down, Jim Caviezel, Terry's Jesus).
Sean Hayes really needs to come out once and for all. Mary, you ain't foolin' no one.
And S. Epatha Merkerson gets best speech for gleefully thanking her divorce lawyer.

That made for about 10 interesting minutes. Another 15 were taken up by incompetent readings of the teleprompter, with the all time low hit by the Brokeback Boys, who giggled through their description of the "tragic love story," like ten year olds on hearing the word "sex."

Unfortunately those god damned housewives stole not one but two catagories and gave bad speeches to boot. Mary Louise Parker (Weeds) and Arrested Development were both more deserving and more in need of the publicity.

PS. That senile aunt's name? Shirley Temple Black. I coulda sworn she was dead.

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