You are what you watch.

TV, Movies, Web, Books, and other extraneous things, and why some are worth your time and money - mostly

Friday, June 03, 2005

Fiction, aka the story that will determine what college I go to

I'm too beat to come up with a whole new subject, or finish any drafts of posts I have going. Instead I'm going to post this story I wrote last night for my English Class. The class this quarter (Juniors and Seniors take quarter long electives instead of one core class all year)was sci-fi, and this story is the last thing my teacher will read before assigning me a grade that will go on my permanent transcript, and go out to all the schools I apply to to be an English major in Fall 06. Since my teacher hasn't really given any grades yet, I shouldn't have slacked on writing this story but I did. Any way, this introduction was way too long. I just wanted to put this in some context. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell a little about where the story came from.
Also, the story is copyright me, any copying or distribution of it that is not by the owner of this site, Nice_Jewish_Boy (who is too paranoid to post his real name), is wrong and illegal. And if you want to copy my stories, you really have poor taste.

The Picture

On Tuesday, I read a review of Smart Political Tragi-Comedy in Urban Intellectual Magazine. The movie stars Up-And-Coming Actor and Well-Respected Actress, with Overweight-Character Actor in a supporting role. The film, directed by Idiosyncratic-Indie Director, was supposed to be pretty good, according to Urban Intellectual Magazine, who liked the sort of things I liked.

I didn’t think much of it.

On Friday, I asked Wise-Cracking Friend, Quiet Friend, and Token-Black Friend if they wanted to see the picture on Saturday. None had heard of it.

“It was reviewed in Urban Intellectual Magazine,” I tell them, “Didn’t you read the review?”

“Didn’t they review Over-Budget Action-Adventure Epic, this week?” Says Token-Black Friend, who reads Urban Intellectual Magazine religiously.

“It was after that,” I tell him. But he has the magazine with him, and the movie

is not there. It is the same date, same Clever-Social-Commentary Cartoon, but not Smart Political Comedy. Smart Political Comedy is gone.

At home, my copy of Urban Intellectual Magazine is gone, and neither Over-Bearing Mother nor Emotionally Distant Father knows what happened to it.

According to Well-Respected Actresses Website, She hasn’t made a picture in two years, because she and Less-Famous-Musician Husband had a baby.

Idiosyncratic-Indie Director is in drug rehab. His career is slumping.

The movie doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Wise-Cracking Friend and I see Over-Budget Action Adventure Epic instead. We decide Urban Intellectual Magazine was too harsh Talentless Pretty-Boy Lead. A cardboard cutout of him wouldn’t fight Computer-Generated Monsters in quite the same way, Wise-Cracking Friend says.

I e-mail Urban Intellectual Magazine and get this curious response:

Dear Concerned Reader:

Due to a clerical error several subscribers received an issue of our magazine contained several typos in the film review of Over-Budget Action-Adventure Epic. All incorrect issues were replaced, gratis, with a corrected issue by our recovery staff. We apologize for any confusion.


Failed Novelists Turned Staff at Urban Intellectual Magazine.

I forget the matter, until Pompous-Self-Indulgent Awards Ceremony. Competing for main awards are Feel Good Bio-Pic, Feel Good Bio-Pic, Subtle Crime Thriller, Feel Good Bio-Pic, and High Brow Romance, co-starring Hip-Young Actor, Formerly Up-And-Coming. Hip-Young Actor tells Comedienne Hostess that he is wearing Main-Stream Designer Suit, then tells her how honored he feels to be nominated, then mentions Smart Political Tragi-Comedy. Cut to add for Deodorant-That-Will-Make-Women-Have-Sex-With-You. When the interviews return, Comedienne Hostess is talking to Rapper-Turned-Actor and Trophy-Wife 3.

Smart Political Tragi-Comedy is gone again. I right letters to the studio, Idiosyncratic-Indie Director, and Washed-Up Actress, formerly Well-Respected. (Hip Young Actor has died in Tragic Plane Crash).

Idiosyncratic-Indie Director writes.

Dear Concerned-Reader,

My last movie does not exist. I made no Smart Political Tragi-Comedy. Please do not refer to it again, it will only do you harm. See my new movie instead, Fawning Political Propaganda. Here are two free passes. I wish I could help you.

--Sell-Out Director, Formerly Idiosyncratic-Indie.

Token-Black-Friend and I see Smart Political Tragi-Comedy, Formerly Fawning Political Propaganda. It is not as good as Urban Intellectual Magazine says it is, but better than Liberal Newspaper Columnist made it out to be, by far.


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